O Kay, I was venting here. Please disregard the entry below; this was one of those moments where I figured typing out my thoughts would be a good idea and relieve some stress. I just re-read this post , (now about 10:30pm), and started gagging from laughter–boy, was I out of it! Just to clarify what was going on today: I was trying to get on the student committee in my Criminology department, and I believe that I may have made it. It will not become official until tomorrow, then I will know for sure.
[12:30 pm] I’m falling back into the routine of time-mismanagement. It was not to long ago that I was making the promise of never again racing against time, and running my life from a day planner; these were promises that I had made during my new years resolutions–all of these got blown out of the water rather quickly–didn’t they! Today, I am racing against the clock. This is not the type of race that will gain me a higher job position: as in a competition for a chosen high salary rank, or falling into a state of perpetual debt where money issues are now forefront; no, this is racing for the mere fact of survival: a position that I swore I would never again fall into–wishful think there–eh? I use the term survival because it congers up images of the television show “Surviver,” as in you are govern by the external forces who dictate your existence and make the choices for the betterment of the group: left wing democracy, or right wing ideology. This feeling of helplessness is not inherent to just my current way of thinking, but to those who are around me also; tucked away into their little compartments, self absorbed in repetitive chores, unaware that they, my peers, are being pulled from one side to another by invisible strings, they toil away while gasping for air as they are slowly being pulled under. I have being swept away into a world of suspended animation. This world only cares about my merits: work, value, contribution and sacrifice. These “others,” my peers, are going to decide what position I will hold as I move into my next phase of development. Although this special position has no monitory value or value-added advantage in further employment, it does however hold extreme charismatic value amongst my peers. A committee will decide my acceptance into this club, a group of people who all hold high academic achievements in their own rites, and who have dedicated their lives into pursuing higher standards of achievement in our communities throughout. I hate waiting for an answer–I am hovering around my PC, hitting the enter button randomly, hoping the next email will give me the answer: will I be voted onto the island, or off of it? Ack…Time.