I have a friend who has put himself back into the dating game after being married for 12 years, then single for the last five. He decided to try the the internet dating service, I don’t know which one, but he seems to have had some success with it as he is now on his second relationship in three weeks. But like all road traveled in life you hit some bumps and potholes along the way, and my friend seems to be hitting some those too in his travels. He told me today about the first women whom he had a date with. He said they chatted by email for the first couple of days, then talked over the phone, and that progressed to a dinner and a movie. “At first is was magic,” he told me, but then the relationship turned into a big mistake as she found herself searching for someone completely different than what she found in him. But then the problem of rejection sets in, and for my friend, a shinning example why men just don’t get it when it comes to courtship, as he convinced himself that she was the sole cause of all the problems with her decision of the break-up. You see, he is angry at her for all the problems that came about up to the rejection. He holds her responsible for it–plane and simple–as none of this is his fault.
I listened to his argument of how bad a person she is, and heard all the problems that she has, and how she should have never put herself on the internet dating service in the first place. But not once did he talk about himself and his problems. I tried to cut in on his rant that he may have issues himself, and that he probably never gave the poor lady a chance to express her issues about him–or did she? So my friend had committed the supreme sin in forming a relationship: It is his way or the highway. He stopped me and said that he is not the one with the baggage–that he is the victim. “Victim????” I thought to myself. I told him to stop talking to me about her, and never bring up the subject again until he figured out that there are always two sides to an argument. He asked why, and I replied because you should be listening to yourself. He didn’t get it….