When You Hang Your Underwear (Personal Affairs) in Public, It Becomes a Messy Deal if Your Motives Fail

For about a couple of weeks now I had known of a college buddy who was head over heals about his one true love, (R.B.), and when he popped the question, it was worse than an atomic bomb going off.  The whole campus knew about it in a matter of minutes. He went and asked his girl friend out on a date. I my opinion, this was an extremely tacky affair because when he announced that he was going to do this by a combination of text-messaging and Twitter, I shook my head in disbelief. RB did it, and it got ugly real fast.

The background.

For months RB was obsessed with her. He told only three people that I know of, of how he felt about her. He mingled with her, walked with her as much as possible, and even switched majors and so he could take classes with her so that he could spend more time with with her together. on campus We joked that he was fast approaching “stocker Status,” something that everyone is more concerned with these days as date-rape, sexual assaults and nuisance cases flood the media. But the lure of love gripped him—tightly.

At the beginning of the month he popped the question and announced it on Twitter, and then sent out a text message announcing “Will you go out with me.” Within minutes he got his answer, but not from her, but from her close circle of friends. It was brutal. They had no mercy. He got his answer with a barrage of text messages back that spanned from calling him a “animal,” to a being a criminal, in other words, a resounding, “NO!” There was no doubt that she did not want anything to do with him after that announcement. Even today she is shy and embarrassed when walking among the other students on campus, never bring that episode up with her as she will become very upset.

What went wrong?

Today, serenading, flowers and love notes are fine, but not in public. Public also includes text-messaging, twitter and email. Blogging and posting on Face Book are bad too. The Damage is far too great, even if she accepted, to have everybody including the guys next door, know  that you tried and asked your girl out on a date.

My friend forgot the two basic principles of human nature in romance. First, everyone has feelings, and embarrassment is one of them. Second, no two people share identical emotions at any one time, especially courtship emotions and other sexual based feelings. To assume that the person of whom you have a crush on thinks likewise requires a lot of research and field testing. The first rule would be to test whether the person you fancy has any feelings about you in the same manner, in a positive light. Remember that “love is blind,” as the saying goes, but today, in our society, you must be discreet and cautious as the storybook romances are just that, stuff of storybooks. So posting your announcement on Twitter, and text-messaging that person so that everyone can see it is not a good thing. Networking is a powerful tool, but it is viral, and stuff that you did not want aired in public seems to spread even faster through the network than the boring stuff.

There are things, actions, still today that must be kept closed off from the public sphere and given a high level of discreetness. The outcome could have been a lot different had my friend used the old school from of asking his girl friend to embark on a more intimate relationship. This is a very good example of how not to use social networking as your way of communicating your needs.

Comments are closed.

Post Navigation