Well, a lot has happened in a very short period of time since I last blogged. From my lost USB stick being declared a lost/stolen item with my last four semesters of work on it, to the announcement of major downsizing at my work, the wheels are turning at an incredible speed. None of this is much of a surprise, I mean it only hit home when hearing from my employer telling me face to face, and admitting that my USB stick is gone forever became a surreal feeling when you view it all in black and white. But as for all the events taking place right now, everything is predictable and manageable, so i think.
Change is sometimes hard to follow. I like my life to be ordered and having all of my ducks in a row so that I (think ) I am in control, but life is never a smooth road as there are always pot-holes on it, and then you are eventually going to hit a fork on this road that will make you choose whether to go either left or right. Maybe that is why we all hate change so much, because we feel we have lost control, or it controls us and we hate it. But perhaps change is that reluctance that makes not want to go to work in the mornings, and wish we had never forgotten that USB stick in a computer in a classroom on the Langley Campus. I seem to have regret mixed up in there too, but I am sure that I separated it from my concept of change, or at least I think so?
I have made some huge choices over the last couple of months. These range from my enviable graduation, to my new career that is still in the embryonic stage of sealing that deal to possibly moving and joining a new family. Either way, I have developed some levels of risk, and there are some variables that could make it go very smooth, or rock the boat enough to cause concern. Of course I am not going to reveal my hand, so stay tuned.
Yes, there are some who are not happy, or wish me ill will to my up coming change. One person who feels that I owe them unconditional services made it clear to me that once I leave, I am not welcomed back—as if a bridge just got burnt down. Why I ask? Of course I got no feedback. Silly people I say.
Perhaps change is reciprocal. When I change, people around me change too. I know some around me are worried that I will leave and they will loose a great friend or someone that they can count on, but there are others who are only worried about their business and all they are worried about is my stability and long term commitments. I know I have to be really mindful of them, but I felt that I have done that with so much advance notice. I alerted everyone around me months ago with what my intentions are so that I would avoid a lot of what I am seeing today. So, now I know that no matter how hard one prepares for it, change is still a tough pill to swallow.
So, I am moving on, as the old song goes. I will be in a place that very few people will ever be. I will be among that ranks of a small group of people who are part of the elites who have dedicated their lives to higher learning and have become masters in their chosen fields. Of course I like the sound of that, but now that I have made it, it just does not have that joyous ring that it once did when I first embark on my academic journey. To the naysayers of my change, I say “screw you and all that jazz.” To my friends, I cherish you with all my heart because it was you all that made me push on wards to where I am today.
Yes, I am getting mushy. I am tired and I am in a state of disbelief from today’s events, but I think I will be better once I am home after my French class tonight. So sleepy… .