OK, I want to write, but I can’t. I’m burnt out. My mind can’t stay focused on anything right now. Is this a bad sign? I don’t know.
The semester is almost in its final few weeks, just days away from completion. This means so much for me, but as you may know from past entries on this blog that I feel unworthy right now. I feel unworthy because of my low grade with one of my classes. But besides that point of a low overall mark in a class that I struggle with, there is the twilight of a chapter in my life coming to an end. I will graduate.
I asked myself this question last week while I was neck deep in fear and stress from my study-overload and class assignments list coming due all at once: What will I become once I graduate?
I decided to put that off until I finally do, graduate, meaning that I don’t want to bury my thoughts into something that will pull me down even further than I already am. Yes, I value my graduation, and that is why I am doing all of this, as I want to be recognized for all of my hard work and effort, but I remembered way back when I started going to university that I wanted to become so much more with my education. So much more? But what?
I seem to have forgotten what it was that I wanted when I first stepped onto the hallowed ground of university and started down that path of the brain expansion and then classed into nerds of geektom. I remembered, jokingly, that I was going to seek out the answer from the age old question, “why”? But that wasn’t it either.
Well, I guess I will ponder that question after the term is over – in three weeks. Wish me luck.